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Editors note: Advice Girl is currently out of the country. While she's away, we invite you to enjoy these snippets from her previous incarnation.
Dear Advice Girl,
Whenever I go away for a few days I come home to find that my apartment is cleaner then I left it. My landlady has repeatedly sworn not to have a key and while I like the idea of a magic cleaning fairy (I think they call them Brownies here), I just don't think I can believe it. There's never been anything missing and I like my landlady a lot, but I don't need her organizing my underwear. How do I approach this issue without insinuating she's a liar.
-Curiously Clean.
Dear At Least One of Us Is Clean,
You are wise to want to exercise caution. Good landladies here are rarer than sober middle-age men at a wedding, so you don’t want to burn any bridges unless absolutely necessary. Advice Girl believes a mild ambushing is appropriate. Simply lead your landlady to believe you’ll be away for a few days, then hide out with a good book and some Coca-Cola. When the mysterious key-bearing person with the inner-kelin disorder appears, you’ll have to act surprised, but then you’ll be able to gently but firmly insist they turn over their key. Otherwise, padlocks are cheap in the “stuff” section of your bazaar.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Vintage Advice Girl, part 2
Editors note: Advice Girl is currently out of the country. While she's away, we invite you to enjoy these snippets from her previous incarnation.
Dear Advice Girl,
Where are the fabric vendors that used to sell material in Charsu bazaar? I have looked all over Tashkent for them. (They are not at the Hepadrome or any of the other obvious places to look.) Barring that, when will Charsu open up the upstairs part again?
Dear Hopeful,
Advice Girl’s first instinct was to apologize, as she is well aware that sequined, crushed-velvet season is fast approaching, but she lives in the village and is not familiar with such worldly things as the bazaars of Tashkent.
Luckily, though, she carefully read between the lines and realized that “in Charsu bazaar” was a clever code name for “in Peace Corps” and that by “fabric vendors” you clearly meant “good-looking unmarried straight men.” Unfortunately, Advice Girl is sorry to say that world-wide recruitment of “fabric vendors” is down. It seems they are too busy “selling material” to girls that have showered in the last week.
Dear Advice Girl,
Where are the fabric vendors that used to sell material in Charsu bazaar? I have looked all over Tashkent for them. (They are not at the Hepadrome or any of the other obvious places to look.) Barring that, when will Charsu open up the upstairs part again?
Dear Hopeful,
Advice Girl’s first instinct was to apologize, as she is well aware that sequined, crushed-velvet season is fast approaching, but she lives in the village and is not familiar with such worldly things as the bazaars of Tashkent.
Luckily, though, she carefully read between the lines and realized that “in Charsu bazaar” was a clever code name for “in Peace Corps” and that by “fabric vendors” you clearly meant “good-looking unmarried straight men.” Unfortunately, Advice Girl is sorry to say that world-wide recruitment of “fabric vendors” is down. It seems they are too busy “selling material” to girls that have showered in the last week.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Vintage Advice Girl, part 1
Editors note: Advice Girl is currently out of the country. While she's away, we invite you to enjoy these snippets from her previous incarnation.
Dear Advice Girl:
What is one to do when you have a strong need to defecate and there are two "guard" dogs protecting the stairway to the only pit toilet? These two dogs are normally chained up but in this particular case the dog that is used in dog-fights was loose in the yard, unbeknownst to me and my host. My host with whom I was guesting kindly walked me to the pit. As we approached the pit toilet, far across the yard, she noticed the dog was not on its chain. "The dog's loose," she said. Then, in a soft voice, "he's behind you."
Should I:
a) push my host towards the dog and run
b) scream at the top of my lungs
c) wash out my pants
Please advise,
Meandogaphobia
Dear Totally Legit Phobia,
First off, Advice Girl would like to thank you for validating the scary-dog-come-off-its-chain fear that she’s been harboring for nearly two years.
That said, putting another between oneself and danger (dogs, disco sketcherellis, traffic, runaway barnyard animals, etc.) is always the preferable option. In fact, small children often work well for this purpose.
Dear Advice Girl:
What is one to do when you have a strong need to defecate and there are two "guard" dogs protecting the stairway to the only pit toilet? These two dogs are normally chained up but in this particular case the dog that is used in dog-fights was loose in the yard, unbeknownst to me and my host. My host with whom I was guesting kindly walked me to the pit. As we approached the pit toilet, far across the yard, she noticed the dog was not on its chain. "The dog's loose," she said. Then, in a soft voice, "he's behind you."
Should I:
a) push my host towards the dog and run
b) scream at the top of my lungs
c) wash out my pants
Please advise,
Meandogaphobia
Dear Totally Legit Phobia,
First off, Advice Girl would like to thank you for validating the scary-dog-come-off-its-chain fear that she’s been harboring for nearly two years.
That said, putting another between oneself and danger (dogs, disco sketcherellis, traffic, runaway barnyard animals, etc.) is always the preferable option. In fact, small children often work well for this purpose.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Can't We Go Back to Offices? With Doors?
Dear Advice Girl
I need your advice to keep my cool at work. I always try to be professional, to be nice, and to be cordial when at work. But at this point I’m miserable and flustered due to a very chatty neighbor lady. We work in a shared open air work environment. She is in my opinion bad-mannered and usually unprofessional women in the work place. The major qualm I have with my coworker is that she hopelessly insists on abusing her speakerphone at her desk. She insists on using the highest volume option because as Ms Chatty stated “she wants everyone to hear”.
I have to say she is normally chatting about work so it’s hard to directly confront her about rude she is and how far her voice travels. Her habit has driven all the neighbor employees within a 10 ft circumference to wearing their iPod at their desk at work to drown out her voice. The noise level is really distracting and reduces everyone’s productivity. I have mentioned this noise level issue to my last three direct supervisors and several other employees but no improvements have made over the last several months.
I try to keep my cool at work but one day I may just spur-of-the-moment snap about the issue out of frustration. Any suggestions are welcomed to try to be professional, to be nice, and to be cordial when at work.
Thanks
Driven up the walls
Dear Up the Walls,
Advice Girl is SO sorry she forgot to tell you this, but right before she left, she discovered an amazing thing. One of your other coworkers, let's call him "LAC", has a phone with a non-functioning speaker. Time for a little late-night switcheroo during one of those busy weeks. Call it a St. Patrick's Day miracle.
If the voice volume continues to be a problem, this may actually be a problem for your company's employee relations department. Advice Girl promises you, they have heard it all, and are accustomed to dealing with delicate matters like this confidentially.
I need your advice to keep my cool at work. I always try to be professional, to be nice, and to be cordial when at work. But at this point I’m miserable and flustered due to a very chatty neighbor lady. We work in a shared open air work environment. She is in my opinion bad-mannered and usually unprofessional women in the work place. The major qualm I have with my coworker is that she hopelessly insists on abusing her speakerphone at her desk. She insists on using the highest volume option because as Ms Chatty stated “she wants everyone to hear”.
I have to say she is normally chatting about work so it’s hard to directly confront her about rude she is and how far her voice travels. Her habit has driven all the neighbor employees within a 10 ft circumference to wearing their iPod at their desk at work to drown out her voice. The noise level is really distracting and reduces everyone’s productivity. I have mentioned this noise level issue to my last three direct supervisors and several other employees but no improvements have made over the last several months.
I try to keep my cool at work but one day I may just spur-of-the-moment snap about the issue out of frustration. Any suggestions are welcomed to try to be professional, to be nice, and to be cordial when at work.
Thanks
Driven up the walls
Dear Up the Walls,
Advice Girl is SO sorry she forgot to tell you this, but right before she left, she discovered an amazing thing. One of your other coworkers, let's call him "LAC", has a phone with a non-functioning speaker. Time for a little late-night switcheroo during one of those busy weeks. Call it a St. Patrick's Day miracle.
If the voice volume continues to be a problem, this may actually be a problem for your company's employee relations department. Advice Girl promises you, they have heard it all, and are accustomed to dealing with delicate matters like this confidentially.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Bon Voyage
Hi Advice Girl!
I'm bored with my job. I just want to fall asleep at my computer everyday. How can I spice it up at work?
--Bored Girl
Dear Bored,
New job. Gotta get one. Or perhaps...
Er, no, sorry. Just the one solution here. Happy salary negotiations!
I'm bored with my job. I just want to fall asleep at my computer everyday. How can I spice it up at work?
--Bored Girl
Dear Bored,
New job. Gotta get one. Or perhaps...
Er, no, sorry. Just the one solution here. Happy salary negotiations!
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