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Dear Advice Girl,
I just broke up with my job. It wasn't working for me, and so I finally said "we're through." But now I miss what we had - I miss the money, the long walks through the cold to our evening meetings, the frantic phone calls. I even miss the effort I had to expend to keep us on the same page about our relationship. I know that this was the right decision and that I need to start over and find a new job, but it seems so daunting. How do you recommend that I begin again?
Sincerely,Looking for (New) Love
Dear Looking,
You’re right, break-ups are rough. But in this case, you must stay strong and remember your reasons for splitting. Clearly some needs (like a regular paycheck) were not being met, and in the end, it’d be worse for both of you to stay in such a relationship. Your job is not mature enough for you right now, and you don’t want to be an enabler for bad behavior.
Like all new relationships, you’ll want to take your time getting into a new one. Look around for a while, make sure it’s right for you, don’t be blinded by a fancy title and loose promises of fast promotion (you know, those rich and good-looking jobs). Also, don’t discount the internet. Although some prefer the more traditional set-up-by-a-friend method, many people have found lasting job happiness with internet match making.
In the meantime, consider a fling with Starbucks to keep the rent covered. Good luck!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Just say zzzzzzz
Dear Advice Girl,
I got this fan thing to generate white noise so my boyfriend would be able to sleep better at my place. Now I’m totally addicted! I fear I could lose my treasured ability to sleep anywhere.
~Loves the Slumber
Dear Slumber,
Thanks for reminding Advice Girl to pack her Tylenol PM, but she’s unable to help you with your problem. Incidentally, this may be why advice columnists don’t write questions to themselves.
I got this fan thing to generate white noise so my boyfriend would be able to sleep better at my place. Now I’m totally addicted! I fear I could lose my treasured ability to sleep anywhere.
~Loves the Slumber
Dear Slumber,
Thanks for reminding Advice Girl to pack her Tylenol PM, but she’s unable to help you with your problem. Incidentally, this may be why advice columnists don’t write questions to themselves.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Is it that time already?
Dear Advice Girl,
As you know, America's second favorite holiday (after Flag Day) is coming up - Valentine's Day. I am in a fairly new relationship - 3.5 months. He's great! But how do I know what is/isn't okay to give him for Valentine's Day? Or should I get him anything at all? I'd like to give him something nice and thoughtful, but am afraid it may make him go running and screaming away from "commitment girl."
What do you think?
-VD Malaise
Dear Malaise,
Advice Girl recommends something edible. Bonus points if they’re homemade yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and sprinkles…mmmm…Oh, sorry, that was Advice Girl’s stomach fantasizing after one of her disappointing “New Year’s resolution” lunches.
Honestly, Advice Girl is a terrible gift giver, and usually tries to be out of the country on days such as this. Also, Feb. 14 happens to be her anniversary at work, so she’s often too busy congratulating herself on somehow holding a job for several consecutive years to be bothered with trying to get reservations at a restaurant. And while she does love flowers, she’s just as happy to get them two days later when the metro men are selling them for $6 again instead of $14. And actually, what Advice Girl would really like is for someone to figure out how to get blog settings to quit appearing in freaking Russian. Although, technically Advice Girl is supposed to know Russian, so she’s a little afraid it’s the spirit of Russian-degrees-past haunting her.
But Advice Girl digresses. In your case, she recommends a funny card and a bottle of Trader Joe’s champagne, followed by, well, activities that often follow sharing a bottle of champagne.
As you know, America's second favorite holiday (after Flag Day) is coming up - Valentine's Day. I am in a fairly new relationship - 3.5 months. He's great! But how do I know what is/isn't okay to give him for Valentine's Day? Or should I get him anything at all? I'd like to give him something nice and thoughtful, but am afraid it may make him go running and screaming away from "commitment girl."
What do you think?
-VD Malaise
Dear Malaise,
Advice Girl recommends something edible. Bonus points if they’re homemade yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and sprinkles…mmmm…Oh, sorry, that was Advice Girl’s stomach fantasizing after one of her disappointing “New Year’s resolution” lunches.
Honestly, Advice Girl is a terrible gift giver, and usually tries to be out of the country on days such as this. Also, Feb. 14 happens to be her anniversary at work, so she’s often too busy congratulating herself on somehow holding a job for several consecutive years to be bothered with trying to get reservations at a restaurant. And while she does love flowers, she’s just as happy to get them two days later when the metro men are selling them for $6 again instead of $14. And actually, what Advice Girl would really like is for someone to figure out how to get blog settings to quit appearing in freaking Russian. Although, technically Advice Girl is supposed to know Russian, so she’s a little afraid it’s the spirit of Russian-degrees-past haunting her.
But Advice Girl digresses. In your case, she recommends a funny card and a bottle of Trader Joe’s champagne, followed by, well, activities that often follow sharing a bottle of champagne.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Oh yes, we've all been there
Dear Advice Girl,
Help! I'm so disorganized, I don't know what to do. Every couple of months, I get really energized and put all my immediate clutter away where it should go. But slowly it all starts to pile back up on my desk, in my inbox, and on my bedroom floor. My closet is another story – I can't even open the door without something falling out! I've always been this way and breaking the habit has been hard. Do you have any advice on how to make a plan to be organized and stay organized?
Disheveled in the District
Dear Disheveled,
Advice Girl totally hears you on this one. And while her advice may seem too obvious to be true, she promises it really really works. For real. All right, ready? You need to put things IN other things. At work, for example, you may have a handy filing cabinet, oh say, six inches to your right. Turns out, they’re not just for keeping your shoes and oatmeal in – you can actually keep paper in them too! Can, and should. Here’s your new motto: If I can pile it, I can file it. Seriously, keeping some desktop visible will keep your mind uncluttered and you’ll actually be more productive. No, you won’t forget about those things you in there. (If you do, you probably didn’t need them in the first place, right?)
Now, closets are tougher. The problem here is that you just have to get rid of things. (Yes, Advice Girl knows, there probably will be a time when you wished you had a sleeveless kimono-neck style blue jersey tank top that’s slightly too short in the midriff. But if you haven’t worn it in the last 18 months, it’s got to go.) Bedroom floors are tricky, too. They’re so handy for putting things on! Advice Girl recommends lining things up against the wall. Not technically a clutter-reducer, but somehow magically reduces the clutter look. Also, in going with the “things IN things” theme (and feel free to use that as a tongue twister to help non-native English speakers practice their “th”), at home, Advice Girl recommends an ottoman storage bench. Likely available at Crate & Barrel. Just, you know, if you had an occasion that might require registering at some such store.
Help! I'm so disorganized, I don't know what to do. Every couple of months, I get really energized and put all my immediate clutter away where it should go. But slowly it all starts to pile back up on my desk, in my inbox, and on my bedroom floor. My closet is another story – I can't even open the door without something falling out! I've always been this way and breaking the habit has been hard. Do you have any advice on how to make a plan to be organized and stay organized?
Disheveled in the District
Dear Disheveled,
Advice Girl totally hears you on this one. And while her advice may seem too obvious to be true, she promises it really really works. For real. All right, ready? You need to put things IN other things. At work, for example, you may have a handy filing cabinet, oh say, six inches to your right. Turns out, they’re not just for keeping your shoes and oatmeal in – you can actually keep paper in them too! Can, and should. Here’s your new motto: If I can pile it, I can file it. Seriously, keeping some desktop visible will keep your mind uncluttered and you’ll actually be more productive. No, you won’t forget about those things you in there. (If you do, you probably didn’t need them in the first place, right?)
Now, closets are tougher. The problem here is that you just have to get rid of things. (Yes, Advice Girl knows, there probably will be a time when you wished you had a sleeveless kimono-neck style blue jersey tank top that’s slightly too short in the midriff. But if you haven’t worn it in the last 18 months, it’s got to go.) Bedroom floors are tricky, too. They’re so handy for putting things on! Advice Girl recommends lining things up against the wall. Not technically a clutter-reducer, but somehow magically reduces the clutter look. Also, in going with the “things IN things” theme (and feel free to use that as a tongue twister to help non-native English speakers practice their “th”), at home, Advice Girl recommends an ottoman storage bench. Likely available at Crate & Barrel. Just, you know, if you had an occasion that might require registering at some such store.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Our first advice seeker!
Dear Advice Girl,
Help! Living in the big city is hard for a nice girl like me, especially when it comes to dating. It seems like I can never meet a guy who's interested in a real relationship. The guys in bars only have one-track minds, and everyone else I know is married or has a girlfriend. Is there any hope for a woman who's tired of dating and ready to settle down, but not ready to settle for less?!?
-Desperate in DC
Dear Desperate,
Oh my, Advice Girl is sorry it’s taken her so long to reply. She’s not yet accustomed to seeing anything besides the “confirmation-noreply” email in her Advice Inbox. But seriously, she’s on top of it now. (Now, possibly being slightly too late, as rumor has it you’ve had two excellent dates in the last week, but anyway…)
So, the first thing Advice Girl would like to remind you is that, difficult as the big city may be, living in the big suburbs would be infinitely worse. At least here you’re having regular interaction with guys of the same age (more on that in a sec), interests, and marital status as yourself. What is most frustrating to Advice Girl is that she hears this frequently from the guys and the girls, indicating some major missed opportunities.
Speaking strictly from personal experience, Advice Girl recommends being set up by friends, specifically coworkers. The key to making these successful, or at least bearable, are… 1) do NOT go out as a group. There is nothing more awkward than the wink-wink-I-think-they’re-getting-along of your accompanying friend and his girlfriend, unless it’s the oh-my-god-I-can’t-believe-they’re-not-getting-along stealth glances of same said couple. Just go out with him by yourself and be your own charming self. Remember, you can always be “going to Tajikistan for a while” if you don’t want to go out with him again. And 2) Meet for drinks. Have a glass of wine or five. It will, shall we say, bring out your charming self a little more quickly. Just trust Advice Girl on this one.
And finally, Advice Girl would like to remind you that man-age in DC is not the same as man-age elsewhere in the country. You need to be dating guys several years older than yourself. This has many benefits including, but not limited to, minimizing the chances of being romantically whisked off to a group house with six roommates and their mates sharing one bathroom. Advice Girl will be happy to elaborate further over drinks.
Help! Living in the big city is hard for a nice girl like me, especially when it comes to dating. It seems like I can never meet a guy who's interested in a real relationship. The guys in bars only have one-track minds, and everyone else I know is married or has a girlfriend. Is there any hope for a woman who's tired of dating and ready to settle down, but not ready to settle for less?!?
-Desperate in DC
Dear Desperate,
Oh my, Advice Girl is sorry it’s taken her so long to reply. She’s not yet accustomed to seeing anything besides the “confirmation-noreply” email in her Advice Inbox. But seriously, she’s on top of it now. (Now, possibly being slightly too late, as rumor has it you’ve had two excellent dates in the last week, but anyway…)
So, the first thing Advice Girl would like to remind you is that, difficult as the big city may be, living in the big suburbs would be infinitely worse. At least here you’re having regular interaction with guys of the same age (more on that in a sec), interests, and marital status as yourself. What is most frustrating to Advice Girl is that she hears this frequently from the guys and the girls, indicating some major missed opportunities.
Speaking strictly from personal experience, Advice Girl recommends being set up by friends, specifically coworkers. The key to making these successful, or at least bearable, are… 1) do NOT go out as a group. There is nothing more awkward than the wink-wink-I-think-they’re-getting-along of your accompanying friend and his girlfriend, unless it’s the oh-my-god-I-can’t-believe-they’re-not-getting-along stealth glances of same said couple. Just go out with him by yourself and be your own charming self. Remember, you can always be “going to Tajikistan for a while” if you don’t want to go out with him again. And 2) Meet for drinks. Have a glass of wine or five. It will, shall we say, bring out your charming self a little more quickly. Just trust Advice Girl on this one.
And finally, Advice Girl would like to remind you that man-age in DC is not the same as man-age elsewhere in the country. You need to be dating guys several years older than yourself. This has many benefits including, but not limited to, minimizing the chances of being romantically whisked off to a group house with six roommates and their mates sharing one bathroom. Advice Girl will be happy to elaborate further over drinks.
Monday, January 14, 2008
It's true, she's back
Greetings all! As you may have noticed, Advice Girl has been on a short sabbatical recently. (Okay, three years, which was longer than her original Advice Career, but that's really neither here nor there.) She's safely recovered from that little Central-Asia-village-dwelling experiment and is ready to share her new urban wisdom! Oh, and she thanks you for your patience as she figures out this "blog" business. Now, let's get to your questions...
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