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Dear Advice Girl,
Do you realize you’ve been in your fancy new grown-up apartment for almost a year now? Have us over already!
Sincerely,
It's Almost Too Cold for a Housewarming
Dear Too Cold,
Indeed, Advice Girl was just checking out the new Crate & Barrel catalogue when she came across her dream pitcher. And do you know what this pitcher said to Advice Girl? It said, “Advice Girl, puh-leeze take me home and serve sangria out of me on a table near tasty Trader Joe’s appetizers! (And by the way, while I may be a talking pitcher, I don’t do any of that singing-dancing crap those Disney sellouts do. So don’t get any ideas.)”
So…never fear, soon Advice Girl and her hardwood floors will be hosting the kind of party guaranteed to drive the downstairs neighbors nuts. Stay tuned.
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I can identify with Too Cold, and there are many more of us out there; more than the politicians and blind media want to acknowledge. The lack of Advice Girl gatherings with sangria and Trader Joe's apps has left us feeling cold and purposeless. You say "never fear", but how can we not fear?! How can we not curl up and yearn desperately for the Advice Girl housewarming that will guide us through this cruel world?! How can we not look to this gathering like a kind of Godot that we keep wanting but that, day after day, never comes?!
ReplyDeletePlease: stop the madness. Have us over.